There’s a The Prowiler The Human Exterminator Shirt of tradition of going out for Chinese food on or around Christmas in the US. So far as I can tell, this largely originates from large cities and in particular from Jews living in New York. Consider the cultural landscape of the earlier part of the 20th century. Jews, of course, do not celebrate Christmas, so they’d be more likely than the Christian majority to go out to eat then, as opposed to their celebrating neighbors who are likely at home with family, roasting their own turkeys and such. And where do they go on Christmas? Well, most restaurants are going to be closed, because their predominantly Christian proprietors and employees are also at home. The major exception, then, was Chinese restaurants. The immigrants running those places were less likely than average to be Christian, so they had no cultural tradition of shutting down on or around December 25. So if you’re a Jewish New Yorker who wants to go out for dinner on Christmas, it’s Chinese food or nothing. This practice may have been popularized in particular by Calvin Trillin, the noted food columnist for the New York Times. He was himself Jewish and wrote a marvelous column about his wife wanting a “traditional holiday dinner.” What she was talking about was the idea, coming in from outside their cultural world, of turkey, mashed potatoes, and so on, but to Trillin, his traditional holiday dinner was going out for Chinese.
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Now, open your eyes and without moving your head ( just your eyes), see 5 things. It will be hard in the Official My Body Is A Machine That Turns Cold Beer Into A Revoked License Shirt, but you will probably see a light on a smoke detector, maybe the edge of a door frame, a little light coming through, a window, etc. After you have seen 5 things, now close your eyes and without moving at all, HEAR 5 things. This may take a while and you really need to concentrate. You can’t count the same sound twice. What I hear usually is crickets outside, (maybe not at Christmastime) a dog barking in the far off distance, a car going by, the house settling, the furnace blowing, maybe a toilet flushing. You must be very quiet and listen carefully. You will be suprised what you hear. Now if you are still awake, without moving, feel 5 things. This is not as hard as you might think. You feel your head on the pillow, you feel your hands on the sheets, you feel your pajamas on your body, you even feel your tongue touching the inside of your mouth. If you get through all these things and you are still awake, start back at seeing 5 things and repeat; see 5 things, hear 5 things, feel five things. I have only been able to get to the end twice.
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